FALL SEVEN TIMES, STAND UP EIGHT.
She loved to play with fire not knowing how much it was dwelling in her own heart. For that blaze and fortitude was hidden beneath a lugubrious truth, carried through half her life. Better late than never, she realized the reasons behind constant struggles and perpetual temperament. It sure did take over a decade, but she finally chose to love herself and understand her own self; it was worthless to seek in other people.
Till hell freezes over, she thought, I choose love because I am.
Here is how she likes to tell her story…
She’s walked through many storms in her life, but this one was different. She fell to the ground as shards of glass exploded around her, slicing the skin on her cheek bones. Fear consumed her as the chaos unfolded around her. The life she knew had shattered, for now, it was time to begin new. The sky was dark and echoed words he had told her: “You’re so beautiful. I will always be there for you.” The pain squeezed her heart until she could barely breathe, remembering his voice, his touch, his kindness. She will always love him.
But, there was one thing that was so deeply closed off in her heart like a cursed treasure; it was a slow poison killing her every day. She knew if everything was to be right she had to free herself. She was tired of carrying this storm. She realized that it is only herself who could save her.
She was hung onto one thing – she was so exquisitely drawn toward the forceful aura encircling around her that she unknowingly but dangerously got built-in her own prison of never-ending thoughts and self-doubt. She had a horrible childhood memory which was repeating itself as a nightmare every time she tried to escape.
She had forgotten herself.
Although this storm made her want to lay there and die, her heart whispered, “you can do this.”
Remarkable, she thought, how this tired heart still wanted to fight. It took her some time to realize all of the things she had done wrong and the things she invested too much energy in. She revisited old stories she herself had written while playing the victim’s role. These stories were not how she wanted so she rewrote them. She erased the jealousy, pain, control, anger, and fear and replaced it with Love. For all of it needed to happen in its Divine order to bring her to this moment right here and now.
She gazed out at the field where shards of glass were still flying around. Lightning flashed through the sky followed by booming thunder that shook the ground below her. She had never fought a storm like this in her life…could she make it?
She sat back, feeling slightly discouraged. Suddenly, she felt her heart open and to her amazement, unconditional Love followed. Her tears hit the dirt next to her bare feet and she cried out into the sky. Despite the darkness around her, she was encompassed in the vastness of Love and Oneness. Her eyes became clear and the fog that had plagued her mind was now dissipating.
She felt powerful.
She stood, staring intensely at the storm ahead of her. Thoughts came bombarding her and she smiled, knowing why.
“You are strong. You have the power of choice. You manifest everything in your life. Take responsibility for your power and use it as a strength instead of a weakness. Take control. You are not a victim. You are beautiful inside and out. You are not responsible for the pain piled up through years together. Love yourself and all that you are, for you are everything and everything is you.”
A spark ignited within her heart, feeding a full flame that extended outward. Her once contaminated aura was now a blazing inferno waiting to help her survive.
She began walking slowly towards the storm without fear. The shards of glass rushed towards her but were ingested by the flames. She walked with new confidence, understanding, and vision. She could find her way out of the storm easily without harm now. All she needed to do, was to look at herself in a way where she could initiate a true healing.
She then said, “I forgive myself for all of my doing. For creating every storm in my life. I forgive others as they are a reflection of myself and what I was actively creating. I forgive, and I now choose my Love.”
As she said this, her fire exploded and disintegrated the remaining shards of glass. That old life could no longer hurt her. The decisions she made could no longer haunt her with guilt. For she had fought back with the only true strength, Forgiveness, and Love. For she was only a child, then, not knowing what was right or what was wrong.
Love is the most powerful force in the universe.
She now stood, her body still sizzling from the flames that were now receding back into the depths of her heart. She now knows where her real strength lies and is ready to make real progress.
She puts her hand on her chest and closes her eyes. “I am grateful.”
She smiles and begins running, eager to create her next chapter with this beautiful new power she found within herself.
The Phoenix was awakened from this ash.
The fire within her heart.
—–Have hope.Keep faith—–
Copyright Writing | Aishwarya Shah ‘ September 2017 | Illustrations by respective artists